Happy holidays from M&D

Two of my close friends have flown in from out of town, so I have been out painting the town red with them.

They return home on the 3rd of January, and once they have left I will resume posting face melting material for you to enjoy.

 

Yeehaw.

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“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” The Bucket Edition

I’ve come out of hibernation and college finals to say not just a few words, but many. As a response to mistermcconnell’s post about the possible closing of GSC Game World, I am also posting to honor the glory of the STALKER series…

And to the hope that STALKER 2 will one day grace the earth from the depths of Chernobyl.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl

The first game is set in 2012, within “The Zone” surrounding Chernobyl. Many highly valuable artifacts are to be looted, factions to befriend or fight-off, mutated packs of dogs to be avoided, and odd-jobs to be completed. Here, you are injected into an RPG/FPS hybrid of a very cool sandbox-styled way to play.

You wake up with amnesia, after being found among dead bodies with a tattoo of “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” on your right arm. On you was found a PDA that merely says, “Kill Strelok.” So what do you do? You were found among dead bodies as the only one living, have amnesia, are among the desolate void called The Zone, and seem to have left yourself a message from the other-side: kill some dude.

That is the main plot: Find Strelok, and find out who you are. The rest of the game is made up of side-quests with missions between factions that exist in The Zone.

Factions/Groups:
Military
Stalkers
Bandits
Duty Faction
Freedom Faction

Factions: Join them, kill them, or be neutral

Duty are the a-holes that wish to bring order to The Zone, and so they treat everybody who isn’t Duty like scum. You suck, and you are not allowed here. This is ours, and we are protecting the outside world from The Zone. At the Duty base, there is also the infamous Duty member who stares at you and never stops repeating these exact words: “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.”

Then there is Freedom, and they are the surfer hippies of The Zone. Peace, love, and freedom. You will almost always hear Freedom members say, “Dude.” Pretty cool cats, even if sounding retarded half of the time.

What about the mutants? Enough about the people.

The Bloodsucker

Mutated Vampire from Hell

This thing will scare the hell out of everybody the first time you see it underground, as you are fleeing military personnel.

Timeline of Blood Sucker confrontation:
“I just see floating eyeballs.” 1 second
“I see bouncing eyeballs and weird huffing.” 2 seconds
“WHAT IN THE TRIPLE FFFFFFFFFFF” 3 seconds

Later, once you know what they are, you just tell yourself “Oh God, I’m going to die” and start shooting fully-automatic silver bullets out the ass.

Now, that is just one special case. Aren’t there more? Why yes. Yes there are.

Homeless Man from The Sewers

What about ugly, homeless men? They have the power to psychically transfer their PTSD to you by merely staring at you. The screen zooms in on his horrid face and personal trauma, with the ensuing migraines damaging your health. Every time you try to do something, you can’t help but zoom in and stare at his horridly-malnourished face of pure evil. You better learn the “quicksave” key early in the game, or mutated squid-faced vampires will ruin you with the help of homeless madmen.

The game is an amazing experience, and should be played if you have never come across it. For newcomers to STALKER, and old, I wholeheartedly endorse this mod as it fixes many bugs/glitches and upgrades many aspects of the game (graphics, physics, awesomeness, etc.). That link was the direct address to the installer, while here is the summary outlining its awesome powers.

That is just the first game out of the three that have been released, and I cannot say enough about the game and it’s series. Maybe I will post again to touch on the other two games? With that said, I truly hope STALKER 2 can either be completed or picked up by a reputable gaming company for its release to the world.

–Side Note–
All pictures have been used from THQ’s website, which at the moment that I post this, just has a big image stating “Strap it On” with people falling through the air and wielding guns for Saints Row 3. This is an example of why we need more STALKER. Thank you.

“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” A plea from a S.T.A.L.K.E.R fan

Shit.

I just heard that GSC Game World may possibly be closing. This is a huge disappointment because the S.T.A.L.K.E.R series was incredible on almost every level.

Anyone who has played  the first game of the series should know about the “Get out of here, Stalker.” glitch that occurs in the Duty base.  Gah. I’ve got so many fond memories with this game series. I also heard they announced another sequel that they were going to completely redo and overhaul everything in the game. But the future is uncertain for the sequel now that they are closing. I just hope some shitty studio doesn’t get a hold of the rights and completely destroy the game I know and love.

I am sad.

Rick Perry – The biggest asshole ever

 

What in the goddamn hell is he talking about?

A war on religion? Obama has repeatedly confirmed that he is a religious man. And for a long time (and even to this day) a lot of Conservatives called Obama a closet Muslim, and they also constantly complained about that crazy Christian pastor.

Anyways, I’ve had some problems with The Witcher AND Red Faction. So once that’s sorted out then I will have a review for both up. Bleh. Check back soon.

Finally back in action.

Well.

I have finally come out of hibernation.

So here are a few announcements on upcoming reviews and more.

The Saboteur

Red Faction

Freedom Fighters

And finally…Battlefield 3.

 

Unfortunately I still have not been able to recover my copy of Fraps. So I guess for the time being I’ll have to make do with the piece of shit demo version of Fraps.

Yep. My review for Red Faction should actually be up tonight. Also, Cori and myself may actually be putting up a video of us playing Minecraft sometime very soon. Yahooooo.

Cheers.

Limbo demo gameplay

 

Limbo is a game by Indie Danish developer Playdead. The game’s official site can be found here.

All game rights/credits in the video go to Playdead, Arnt Jensen and Jino Patti.

It’s quite a fantastic looking little Indie game. Once I have the spare money I will most definitely purchase it and upload some more clips and a full review.

Review of The Thing (2011)

Earlier today at the movie theater I had the choice between three films. I say only three because the rest of the films weren’t really much of a choice. Because they looked like giant pieces of shit.

I had a choice between a film titled 50/50

Being a fan of Seth Rogen I was originally considering this one immediately. But I looked around and then I saw a poster for Johhny English:Reborn

I had no idea that this was coming to theaters or anything. I remember the first Johnny English film being fantastic, and Rowan Atkinson giving a hilarious performance as always.

And finally I saw a big poster for The Thing

Watching a scary movie without a group of friends is kind of lame. And even more lame would be watching a scary movie without friends at 11AM on a Sunday.

So naturally I went with The Thing.

Unsurprisingly, the theater was completely empty save for a middle aged couple that were literally one row away from the screen. I have never been able to understand people that sit in the front section of seats at the theater. Unless they have terrible eyesight, then I suppose it would make sense. Sort of.

I guess it’s just personal preference. I remember I sat really close to the screen a few times before, but I was also seven or eight years old and I had my head up my ass. And as I said these people were middle aged. So I guess they just like sitting so close to the screen they break a vertebrae in their necks while trying to watch the movie.

Right. So I went with The Thing. I could sort of remember seeing the film from 1982, most likely on AMC or something one night. I specifically remembered how bad the special effects in the 1982 version were.

Anyways. I’ll go ahead and break down this movie real quick.

The special effects all throughout were great. The alien monster thing was incredibly fucked up looking. And it reminded me a lot of the Necromorphs from Dead Space.

That’s about right.

Minus Isaac Clarke of course. One of the better bad mother fuckers in video gaming history. He’s almost as cool as Doomguy. But we’ll save Doomguy for another post, and another day. Because Doomguy cannot be contained to a simple one paragraph long dedication. Doomguy deserves at least an entire post dedicated to him. Actually probably an entire blog dedicated to him. Yep.

Yeah. Doomguy.

Right. So the special effects were great.

Of course they are being compared to this:

So I mean they could have probably used anything (when I say anything I mean just some random shit laying around the set. Like scotch tape and like some rubber hoses or some shit I don’t know.) and it would have turned out better than this. I mean this isn’t even scary it’s just comical.

Unfortunately I was only familiar with two of the actors. The rest were actors I don’t think I had ever seen before in any other film. I recognized two actors. A black man named Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (I can’t begin to pronounce that. Although this man has an incredibly odd and hard to pronounce name, I still think he kicks anything and everything that resembles an ass.)

He doesn’t play a major role in the film, but the few lines and parts he does have he does well as a comic relief. And when he isn’t being a comic relief he’s busy shooting everything with a flamethrower. Yeah. Because that’s just what he does. I have a feeling that if there wasn’t some fucked up mutating assimilating alien monster running around he would probably still be setting things on fire with a flamethrower because that’s just how he does shit.

And the other actor I recognized was Mary Elizabeth Winstead. She did pretty well in this film, although admittedly I don’t think she had much to work with. Most of the other actors seemed to be more like extras rather than actual functioning and developing characters; and unfortunately even Winstead’s character didn’t seem to have any sort of development either.

My problem with this film is that there just isn’t enough build up to the point where the monster breaks out of it’s icy tomb and starts eating people and tearing off limbs. The film definitely needed to be paced better, because it just throws you right into the shit with only 20 or so minutes preceding it. And those 20 minutes are mostly spent looking at snow. And more snow. And some hills that are covered in snow. Oh yeah and there’s this really interesting part with some more goddamn snow. I understand it’s in Antarctica, but I’d like for there to be a shot where the President gets a call in the White House that some fucked up alien has been brought to life and it could potentially kill a dozen or so people somewhere completely isolated in Antarctica. Because to be honest that seems like a scenario where very few would be affected.

“Shit. Everybody! There’s some fucked up mutating alien monster in Antarctica!”

“Yeah? So?”

“Well it’s there! And…uh…shit. Yeah it’s probably just going to freeze to death in a day or two.”

“Guys I think there might be more snow down here.”

In conclusion, The Thing is a pretty decent film. It’s best if you go watch it with some friends so you can discuss it a little later on after you’ve left the theater. It’s a pretty average horror movie, with the typical “BOO” kind of scares you can expect. You know what I mean? Several seconds of silence followed by a loud as all hell orchestra hit and then a rat comes out from behind something. Or maybe several seconds of silence and then the main character turns around and runs into either a friend or whatever the hell he/she is running from; followed by the loud as all hell orchestra hit. Yeah. Anyways. That kinda shit happens several times throughout the film. Stick with what you know I guess.

Anybody who has been visiting this blog for at least a few months now should remember my massive “The Evolution of the Resident Evil series” post that I put up sometime in August. You may also remember towards the end of that post I confessed how Jill Valentine in the second RE film gave me “an erection so hard it made the seam of my jeans bust.”

Well Jill. Consider your ass REPLACED.

Aw yeah. Yeah. I’d love to take her out to dinner and respect her boundaries.