“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” The Bucket Edition

I’ve come out of hibernation and college finals to say not just a few words, but many. As a response to mistermcconnell’s post about the possible closing of GSC Game World, I am also posting to honor the glory of the STALKER series…

And to the hope that STALKER 2 will one day grace the earth from the depths of Chernobyl.


STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl

The first game is set in 2012, within “The Zone” surrounding Chernobyl. Many highly valuable artifacts are to be looted, factions to befriend or fight-off, mutated packs of dogs to be avoided, and odd-jobs to be completed. Here, you are injected into an RPG/FPS hybrid of a very cool sandbox-styled way to play.

You wake up with amnesia, after being found among dead bodies with a tattoo of “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” on your right arm. On you was found a PDA that merely says, “Kill Strelok.” So what do you do? You were found among dead bodies as the only one living, have amnesia, are among the desolate void called The Zone, and seem to have left yourself a message from the other-side: kill some dude.

That is the main plot: Find Strelok, and find out who you are. The rest of the game is made up of side-quests with missions between factions that exist in The Zone.

Duty Faction
Freedom Faction

Factions: Join them, kill them, or be neutral

Duty are the a-holes that wish to bring order to The Zone, and so they treat everybody who isn’t Duty like scum. You suck, and you are not allowed here. This is ours, and we are protecting the outside world from The Zone. At the Duty base, there is also the infamous Duty member who stares at you and never stops repeating these exact words: “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.”

Then there is Freedom, and they are the surfer hippies of The Zone. Peace, love, and freedom. You will almost always hear Freedom members say, “Dude.” Pretty cool cats, even if sounding retarded half of the time.

What about the mutants? Enough about the people.

The Bloodsucker

Mutated Vampire from Hell

This thing will scare the hell out of everybody the first time you see it underground, as you are fleeing military personnel.

Timeline of Blood Sucker confrontation:
“I just see floating eyeballs.” 1 second
“I see bouncing eyeballs and weird huffing.” 2 seconds

Later, once you know what they are, you just tell yourself “Oh God, I’m going to die” and start shooting fully-automatic silver bullets out the ass.

Now, that is just one special case. Aren’t there more? Why yes. Yes there are.

Homeless Man from The Sewers

What about ugly, homeless men? They have the power to psychically transfer their PTSD to you by merely staring at you. The screen zooms in on his horrid face and personal trauma, with the ensuing migraines damaging your health. Every time you try to do something, you can’t help but zoom in and stare at his horridly-malnourished face of pure evil. You better learn the “quicksave” key early in the game, or mutated squid-faced vampires will ruin you with the help of homeless madmen.

The game is an amazing experience, and should be played if you have never come across it. For newcomers to STALKER, and old, I wholeheartedly endorse this mod as it fixes many bugs/glitches and upgrades many aspects of the game (graphics, physics, awesomeness, etc.). That link was the direct address to the installer, while here is the summary outlining its awesome powers.

That is just the first game out of the three that have been released, and I cannot say enough about the game and it’s series. Maybe I will post again to touch on the other two games? With that said, I truly hope STALKER 2 can either be completed or picked up by a reputable gaming company for its release to the world.

–Side Note–
All pictures have been used from THQ’s website, which at the moment that I post this, just has a big image stating “Strap it On” with people falling through the air and wielding guns for Saints Row 3. This is an example of why we need more STALKER. Thank you.


“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” A plea from a S.T.A.L.K.E.R fan


I just heard that GSC Game World may possibly be closing. This is a huge disappointment because the S.T.A.L.K.E.R series was incredible on almost every level.

Anyone who has played  the first game of the series should know about the “Get out of here, Stalker.” glitch that occurs in the Duty base.  Gah. I’ve got so many fond memories with this game series. I also heard they announced another sequel that they were going to completely redo and overhaul everything in the game. But the future is uncertain for the sequel now that they are closing. I just hope some shitty studio doesn’t get a hold of the rights and completely destroy the game I know and love.

I am sad.

Double update. What?

Because my workload just isn’t big enough.

Coming sometime in the near future, from Mister Mike:”It wasn’t funny then. It isn’t funny NOW.”

Click the picture for more information. I practically have to run out of the door now.


Limbo demo gameplay


Limbo is a game by Indie Danish developer Playdead. The game’s official site can be found here.

All game rights/credits in the video go to Playdead, Arnt Jensen and Jino Patti.

It’s quite a fantastic looking little Indie game. Once I have the spare money I will most definitely purchase it and upload some more clips and a full review.

Minecraft review

You are about to enter a world of blocks and farm animals


This is the review of the video game Minecraft, written and edited by MisterMcConnell. Images courtesy of Gamespot, Wikipedia, and minecraft.neoseeker respectively.

Minecraft is a video game that was written in Java by a man named Markus Persson. After the completion and incredible success of Minecraft’s beta, Markus went on to create the company Mojang. He and his company now work on and update Minecraft.


Minecraft is a quirky little game. As previously stated, the game is written entirely in Java. So needless to say the game isn’t running on some suped-up advanced graphics engine, chugging along at near the speed of light, blasting incredible sound and shit-my-pants-awesome shootouts and car chases. Instead, Minecraft is running on a rather primitive engine. The end result is all of the in-game objects are rendered as blocks, and all of the characters have very little detail and are also very block-like. Surprisingly enough this works to the game’s advantage.

Being a big fan of old school games (I’ve still got my original SNES from way back when) I immediately dug Minecraft’s visual style. I felt drawn to it, the way an infant is drawn to it’s mother’s breast. I sucked Minecraft’s blocky teat dry and then I asked for seconds. Minecraft is simply an amazing game. It has only one clear object: Survive.


Minecraft has both singleplayer and multiplayer modes, and they are both very fun and very addicting.  I could go on and on about how I love the game. Instead I will go ahead and slap you in the face with more in-depth details of the game.

If you start off with multiplayer you’ll have to search around the internet a bit to find servers. You can find a large list of servers fairly easy, and many Minecraft forums have links to servers etc. You connect via IP address and the game saves the IP address in the multiplayer window until you delete it manually. This is good, because you won’t have to save the IP in a text document or write it down on scrap paper somewhere.

When you play multiplayer you can be a part of different communities of people. Some servers have a group of people and all of them stick to themselves and work on their own solo projects; but some other servers have groups of people that work together on a single large project. Just do a search for “Minecraft” in the image section of Google and you’ll see massive monuments and cities and all sorts of crazy contraptions and inventions created by the Minecraft community. It really is exciting to see what spending hours and hours of your time can get you in the online world of Minecraft.


If you decide to start off with singleplayer, you’ll be presented with a menu which allows you to create a new world. When you create a new world, the game will spawn a completely random world. Supposedly no two worlds are exactly the same, and supposedly each “world” is eight times the size of Earth. I bet you’re saying:

That’s a big fucking world, man. How will I ever explore it all?”

I know. It’s huge. Just look at it. And honestly, you may not explore all of it. Hell, you may not even explore HALF of the massive worlds that are spawned for your sole enjoyment in the singleplayer mode.

Anyways. After the world is finished being made (by you, at the click of a button. Jesus God man you’re mightier than Zeus) you will be spawned into the newly created world. You will be spawned in the middle of nowhere. There are no civilizations. There is nothing between you and creating your wildest dreams. Well, sort of. There are these annoying green bastards known only as creepers.

Holy mother Mary and Joseph I don’t know where they come from, or why they are here. I don’t know anything about them and neither does anyone else. All we do know, is that their main priority is fucking up your entire afternoon’s work in just a few seconds.Creepers are the single most terrifying enemy I have encountered in a video game. They will get the drop on you and destroy everything you hold dear to you.

This is a creeper:

This green bastard is why you’re going to become an alcoholic.

Creepers like to hide in dark places. Such as caves. But when the sun goes down, creepers prowl around all over the place.

Deserted beach? If the sun is down prepare to get fucked by a creeper.

Wide open plains? If the sun is down prepare to get fucked by a creeper.


Anyways, you’ll want to have a shelter built for when night finally comes. A day cycle doesn’t last that long in Minecraft. On your first day you’ll have about enough time to build a shelter. If you mess around and DON’T build a shelter, then prepare your anus for a proper creeper fisting.

A whole mess of other creepy crawly things come out at night besides the creepers.

Like zombies:

Zombies aren’t so tough when they are alone. But if you run into a couple of them at once you better be in the shit-kickin’ mood.

There are also these gigantic sacks of monkey shit:

Skeleton archers are a big pain in the ass. They don’t even come close to the level of annoyance (and sheer terror) that creepers are on; but skeleton archers are still about as fun as hitting the tip of your dick with a hammer.

Anyways. Minecraft is an incredibly fun game. It runs at about $20 if I remember correctly. I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of Minecraft, because I know while other people in my age demographic are out getting laid and going to parties; I’ll be inside placing 3D blocks into some sort of fucked up shape that vaguely resembles a house.

I give Minecraft a score of 8/10

I only subtract two points because of the endless amount of time you have to spend just harvesting and refining raw materials to build your shelter and craft tools etc.

In conclusion I’d say if I were placed in a dire situation and had to make tools and hunt in the wilderness for food like a caveman; I believe I would fair better than others around me.



Because I play Minecraft, motherfucker.