It wasn’t funny then. It isn’t funny now. -Official release-

Alright. Well.

 

Album download link.

The album is now available for download. If you’re afraid to download stuff from the Internet then just post a comment and let me know, and I will upload the album to Youtube.

Yahoo.

Side note – I couldn’t get The Witcher to work after trying several workarounds. Since I received Starcraft 2 (and possibly Skyrim? I’ll hear about that later this week) I shall be reviewing it in The Witcher’s place. I also managed to get Red Faction working. So I will definitely have a hilarious review of that up sometime very soon. I’m almost finished with the game. So uh. Yep.

Cheers. If the link is dead just post a comment and I’ll reupload it.

Random movie review time! Today:Limitless (2011)

I just finished watching this movie on Netflix, so while it is still fresh in my mind I made the decision to write a review for it rather than trying to go to bed and sleep. I like to sleep.

Before you go any further, please note that this review contains spoilers. So go watch the trailer and then decide if you even want to see this movie before you read on. Yeah.

The main character in this film, who is the center of attention at all times, and also narrates the story is Eddie Morra. He is portrayed by actor Bradley Cooper. I have heard of Bradley before, but I have only seen him in one other film…Wait, actually I haven’t seen him in anything else. Which is surprising to me because he seems really damn familiar. I looked through his IMDb page and I have not seen any of the movies he has also starred in. Even The Hangover, and I’m pretty sure I am the only human being on  the planet that has not seen The Hangover. So I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to take him serious. But luckily he ended up being very sharp and intelligent, which I’m going to assume is the opposite of his character in The Hangover movies.

He spends a good 60% of the film with this look on his face, however.

After being in The Hangover and The Hangover Part 2 he still has the capability to pull off a serious role. Pretty well, I might add. Even though I hadn’t seen him in any other film I actually liked him right off the bat. Or rather I liked his character. A struggling writer living in big New York City, barely making ends meet and living in a shit hole of an apartment. Sounds like a glimpse at my future self, to be honest. But eventually, after his relationship with his girlfriend fails and his book looks like it will fall flat, he randomly encounters his ex-brother-in-law. We’re given a bit of insight into who this guy used to be, and it becomes clear that he used to deal drugs and run with some really shady characters. Bradley Cooper explains that he is having some serious writer’s block, and he thinks he is going to lose his apartment. So the brother-in-law offers an excellent solution. TAKE THIS PILL, DUDE. He takes it, and heads home. When he gets to the top of the stairs, this sexy Asian chick starts bitching (NSFW) at him merely moments after he swallows the pill. So naturally the pill takes it’s affects and he has some crazy sex with her.

The film actually has some pretty cool cinematic and visual effects in it as well. Like in this scene.

I would love to be able to do Bruce Lee’s kick ass fighting moves, I think that’s all I would do after taking this pill. Holy shit I’m gonna watch that video again hold on.

 

Alright. Anyways.

I really loved this movie, but there was one thing that really annoyed the hell out of me with the main character’s decisions.

He never really uses his “powers” for any sort of good. He gets his book published, he practically takes over a big investing/Wall Street corporation, and he has tons of sex with different women. If I were given the pill I would at least try to do some good, I wouldn’t become this uptight rich dick head like he does. He also uses it for a lot of bullshit testosterone-fueled stuff like getting money, fucking, having power, and fighting random people.

I would just pop into some big government funded laboratory and say “Oh. The cure for AIDS? Cancer? You’re doin’ it wrong. Here lemme show you.” Boom. Hundreds of millions of lives saved. I would then become Time’s Man of the Year, forever. Until some fucker comes along and invents a working, economical, safe jet pack for practical (and slightly impractical) uses. Holy SHIT I could do that. Nevermind, I would be Time’s Man of the Year forever.

Anyways. Robert De Niro makes an appearance in this film but he doesn’t really play a huge part. His part isn’t insignificant, but he doesn’t have a lot of lines and he doesn’t yell at anybody. He usually shows up and gives us this face for a few minutes and then slips off screen.

 

It was slightly disappointing too. Because I saw De Niro (and I had no prior knowledge of him being in the film at all) and I got excited, expecting a stellar performance out of him as usual. But here…meh. He’s good as a Wall Street executive type, but he just doesn’t have much to work with. Because the only other person he really interacts with is Cooper, and sparks don’t exactly fly between them the way it did with Pacino in Heat or Righteous Kill. But of course Heat was back in ’95 and De Niro had a good decade and a half of age ahead of him. Anyways. Whatever. I saw De Niro and got kind of giddy. Well really I just made a face similar to this and hoped he would yell a lot and shoot a few people.

Me basking in the glow of De Niro. Yes, I am a former Viking.

But when De Niro DIDN’T shoot anybody (even though there were several action scenes) I was rather sad. And slightly irritated. Because Cooper continued to use his powers for dickhole reasons and not good reasons. He rigged the stock system to make millions of dollars, and he spent his free time in beautiful coastal cities, in Europe, and in fancy sports cars driving really fast, the way a dickhead does.

Honestly, it’s like Superman using his powers to rob banks and just be an asshole in general. Why no cures for diseases? Why no helping old women across the street? Why don’t you help anybody else Cooper? WHY?!

Towards the end of the movie you can see that he has started on the path of becoming a politician so he can steer the United States (and probably the whole world) out of harms way, and to world peace. Or he’ll probably just be assassinated.

Yeah. He’d probably just be assassinated.

What a wonderful world we live in.

What. A. Wonderful. World.

“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” The Bucket Edition

I’ve come out of hibernation and college finals to say not just a few words, but many. As a response to mistermcconnell’s post about the possible closing of GSC Game World, I am also posting to honor the glory of the STALKER series…

And to the hope that STALKER 2 will one day grace the earth from the depths of Chernobyl.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl

The first game is set in 2012, within “The Zone” surrounding Chernobyl. Many highly valuable artifacts are to be looted, factions to befriend or fight-off, mutated packs of dogs to be avoided, and odd-jobs to be completed. Here, you are injected into an RPG/FPS hybrid of a very cool sandbox-styled way to play.

You wake up with amnesia, after being found among dead bodies with a tattoo of “S.T.A.L.K.E.R.” on your right arm. On you was found a PDA that merely says, “Kill Strelok.” So what do you do? You were found among dead bodies as the only one living, have amnesia, are among the desolate void called The Zone, and seem to have left yourself a message from the other-side: kill some dude.

That is the main plot: Find Strelok, and find out who you are. The rest of the game is made up of side-quests with missions between factions that exist in The Zone.

Factions/Groups:
Military
Stalkers
Bandits
Duty Faction
Freedom Faction

Factions: Join them, kill them, or be neutral

Duty are the a-holes that wish to bring order to The Zone, and so they treat everybody who isn’t Duty like scum. You suck, and you are not allowed here. This is ours, and we are protecting the outside world from The Zone. At the Duty base, there is also the infamous Duty member who stares at you and never stops repeating these exact words: “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.” “Get out of here, Stalker.”

Then there is Freedom, and they are the surfer hippies of The Zone. Peace, love, and freedom. You will almost always hear Freedom members say, “Dude.” Pretty cool cats, even if sounding retarded half of the time.

What about the mutants? Enough about the people.

The Bloodsucker

Mutated Vampire from Hell

This thing will scare the hell out of everybody the first time you see it underground, as you are fleeing military personnel.

Timeline of Blood Sucker confrontation:
“I just see floating eyeballs.” 1 second
“I see bouncing eyeballs and weird huffing.” 2 seconds
“WHAT IN THE TRIPLE FFFFFFFFFFF” 3 seconds

Later, once you know what they are, you just tell yourself “Oh God, I’m going to die” and start shooting fully-automatic silver bullets out the ass.

Now, that is just one special case. Aren’t there more? Why yes. Yes there are.

Homeless Man from The Sewers

What about ugly, homeless men? They have the power to psychically transfer their PTSD to you by merely staring at you. The screen zooms in on his horrid face and personal trauma, with the ensuing migraines damaging your health. Every time you try to do something, you can’t help but zoom in and stare at his horridly-malnourished face of pure evil. You better learn the “quicksave” key early in the game, or mutated squid-faced vampires will ruin you with the help of homeless madmen.

The game is an amazing experience, and should be played if you have never come across it. For newcomers to STALKER, and old, I wholeheartedly endorse this mod as it fixes many bugs/glitches and upgrades many aspects of the game (graphics, physics, awesomeness, etc.). That link was the direct address to the installer, while here is the summary outlining its awesome powers.

That is just the first game out of the three that have been released, and I cannot say enough about the game and it’s series. Maybe I will post again to touch on the other two games? With that said, I truly hope STALKER 2 can either be completed or picked up by a reputable gaming company for its release to the world.

–Side Note–
All pictures have been used from THQ’s website, which at the moment that I post this, just has a big image stating “Strap it On” with people falling through the air and wielding guns for Saints Row 3. This is an example of why we need more STALKER. Thank you.

“Don’t get out of here, Stalker.” A plea from a S.T.A.L.K.E.R fan

Shit.

I just heard that GSC Game World may possibly be closing. This is a huge disappointment because the S.T.A.L.K.E.R series was incredible on almost every level.

Anyone who has played  the first game of the series should know about the “Get out of here, Stalker.” glitch that occurs in the Duty base.  Gah. I’ve got so many fond memories with this game series. I also heard they announced another sequel that they were going to completely redo and overhaul everything in the game. But the future is uncertain for the sequel now that they are closing. I just hope some shitty studio doesn’t get a hold of the rights and completely destroy the game I know and love.

I am sad.

Finally back in action.

Well.

I have finally come out of hibernation.

So here are a few announcements on upcoming reviews and more.

The Saboteur

Red Faction

Freedom Fighters

And finally…Battlefield 3.

 

Unfortunately I still have not been able to recover my copy of Fraps. So I guess for the time being I’ll have to make do with the piece of shit demo version of Fraps.

Yep. My review for Red Faction should actually be up tonight. Also, Cori and myself may actually be putting up a video of us playing Minecraft sometime very soon. Yahooooo.

Cheers.

Double update. What?

Because my workload just isn’t big enough.

Coming sometime in the near future, from Mister Mike:”It wasn’t funny then. It isn’t funny NOW.”

Click the picture for more information. I practically have to run out of the door now.

Yeehaw.