It wasn’t funny then. It isn’t funny now. -Official release-

Alright. Well.

 

Album download link.

The album is now available for download. If you’re afraid to download stuff from the Internet then just post a comment and let me know, and I will upload the album to Youtube.

Yahoo.

Side note – I couldn’t get The Witcher to work after trying several workarounds. Since I received Starcraft 2 (and possibly Skyrim? I’ll hear about that later this week) I shall be reviewing it in The Witcher’s place. I also managed to get Red Faction working. So I will definitely have a hilarious review of that up sometime very soon. I’m almost finished with the game. So uh. Yep.

Cheers. If the link is dead just post a comment and I’ll reupload it.

Random movie review time! Today:Limitless (2011)

I just finished watching this movie on Netflix, so while it is still fresh in my mind I made the decision to write a review for it rather than trying to go to bed and sleep. I like to sleep.

Before you go any further, please note that this review contains spoilers. So go watch the trailer and then decide if you even want to see this movie before you read on. Yeah.

The main character in this film, who is the center of attention at all times, and also narrates the story is Eddie Morra. He is portrayed by actor Bradley Cooper. I have heard of Bradley before, but I have only seen him in one other film…Wait, actually I haven’t seen him in anything else. Which is surprising to me because he seems really damn familiar. I looked through his IMDb page and I have not seen any of the movies he has also starred in. Even The Hangover, and I’m pretty sure I am the only human being on  the planet that has not seen The Hangover. So I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to take him serious. But luckily he ended up being very sharp and intelligent, which I’m going to assume is the opposite of his character in The Hangover movies.

He spends a good 60% of the film with this look on his face, however.

After being in The Hangover and The Hangover Part 2 he still has the capability to pull off a serious role. Pretty well, I might add. Even though I hadn’t seen him in any other film I actually liked him right off the bat. Or rather I liked his character. A struggling writer living in big New York City, barely making ends meet and living in a shit hole of an apartment. Sounds like a glimpse at my future self, to be honest. But eventually, after his relationship with his girlfriend fails and his book looks like it will fall flat, he randomly encounters his ex-brother-in-law. We’re given a bit of insight into who this guy used to be, and it becomes clear that he used to deal drugs and run with some really shady characters. Bradley Cooper explains that he is having some serious writer’s block, and he thinks he is going to lose his apartment. So the brother-in-law offers an excellent solution. TAKE THIS PILL, DUDE. He takes it, and heads home. When he gets to the top of the stairs, this sexy Asian chick starts bitching (NSFW) at him merely moments after he swallows the pill. So naturally the pill takes it’s affects and he has some crazy sex with her.

The film actually has some pretty cool cinematic and visual effects in it as well. Like in this scene.

I would love to be able to do Bruce Lee’s kick ass fighting moves, I think that’s all I would do after taking this pill. Holy shit I’m gonna watch that video again hold on.

 

Alright. Anyways.

I really loved this movie, but there was one thing that really annoyed the hell out of me with the main character’s decisions.

He never really uses his “powers” for any sort of good. He gets his book published, he practically takes over a big investing/Wall Street corporation, and he has tons of sex with different women. If I were given the pill I would at least try to do some good, I wouldn’t become this uptight rich dick head like he does. He also uses it for a lot of bullshit testosterone-fueled stuff like getting money, fucking, having power, and fighting random people.

I would just pop into some big government funded laboratory and say “Oh. The cure for AIDS? Cancer? You’re doin’ it wrong. Here lemme show you.” Boom. Hundreds of millions of lives saved. I would then become Time’s Man of the Year, forever. Until some fucker comes along and invents a working, economical, safe jet pack for practical (and slightly impractical) uses. Holy SHIT I could do that. Nevermind, I would be Time’s Man of the Year forever.

Anyways. Robert De Niro makes an appearance in this film but he doesn’t really play a huge part. His part isn’t insignificant, but he doesn’t have a lot of lines and he doesn’t yell at anybody. He usually shows up and gives us this face for a few minutes and then slips off screen.

 

It was slightly disappointing too. Because I saw De Niro (and I had no prior knowledge of him being in the film at all) and I got excited, expecting a stellar performance out of him as usual. But here…meh. He’s good as a Wall Street executive type, but he just doesn’t have much to work with. Because the only other person he really interacts with is Cooper, and sparks don’t exactly fly between them the way it did with Pacino in Heat or Righteous Kill. But of course Heat was back in ’95 and De Niro had a good decade and a half of age ahead of him. Anyways. Whatever. I saw De Niro and got kind of giddy. Well really I just made a face similar to this and hoped he would yell a lot and shoot a few people.

Me basking in the glow of De Niro. Yes, I am a former Viking.

But when De Niro DIDN’T shoot anybody (even though there were several action scenes) I was rather sad. And slightly irritated. Because Cooper continued to use his powers for dickhole reasons and not good reasons. He rigged the stock system to make millions of dollars, and he spent his free time in beautiful coastal cities, in Europe, and in fancy sports cars driving really fast, the way a dickhead does.

Honestly, it’s like Superman using his powers to rob banks and just be an asshole in general. Why no cures for diseases? Why no helping old women across the street? Why don’t you help anybody else Cooper? WHY?!

Towards the end of the movie you can see that he has started on the path of becoming a politician so he can steer the United States (and probably the whole world) out of harms way, and to world peace. Or he’ll probably just be assassinated.

Yeah. He’d probably just be assassinated.

What a wonderful world we live in.

What. A. Wonderful. World.

Finally back in action.

Well.

I have finally come out of hibernation.

So here are a few announcements on upcoming reviews and more.

The Saboteur

Red Faction

Freedom Fighters

And finally…Battlefield 3.

 

Unfortunately I still have not been able to recover my copy of Fraps. So I guess for the time being I’ll have to make do with the piece of shit demo version of Fraps.

Yep. My review for Red Faction should actually be up tonight. Also, Cori and myself may actually be putting up a video of us playing Minecraft sometime very soon. Yahooooo.

Cheers.

Limbo demo gameplay

 

Limbo is a game by Indie Danish developer Playdead. The game’s official site can be found here.

All game rights/credits in the video go to Playdead, Arnt Jensen and Jino Patti.

It’s quite a fantastic looking little Indie game. Once I have the spare money I will most definitely purchase it and upload some more clips and a full review.

Epic. And the destruction of the English language.

The definition of epic:

  • Noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style: Homer’s Iliad is an epic poem.
  • Resembling or suggesting such poetry: an epic novel on the founding of the country.
  • Heroic; majestic; impressively great: the epic events of the war.
  • Of unusually great size or extent: a crime wave of epic proportions.
  • Taken from – http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/epic

*Note* A “crime wave of epic proportions” would mean something like this : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Points,_Manhattan

Holy shit that looks fun.

Alright. I want to break this down for those of you that think it is completely acceptable to describe a completely normal and everyday thing such as ordering pizza, going to a concert, or going to McDonalds for lunch as epic.

Unless that goddamn cheeseburger is large enough to feed an entire nation of people; and anyone who takes the smallest nibble from it transcends humanity and is granted healing powers (essentially, you bite the burger and become Jesus) then shut the hell up.

Describing mundane ordinary tasks as epic takes away from the literal meaning of the word. If everything is epic, then nothing is epic. Do you get what I am saying?

By definition only a few things may be truly described as epic.

  • Some poetry. Yes. Poetry can be epic in scale. Not it’s literal scale, the paper wouldn’t be three stories tall. The length would define whether or not it is epic.

  • Novels/book series. Think Lord of the Rings or the Forbidden Fruits.

  • Space. The cosmos. Because it is nearly unending. As humans I can safely say that we would most likely never explore/map (I don’t know how you would map space) every galaxy/solar system.

Shut up. Stop calling everything epic before I throw a dictionary at you.

Nevermind. Make that a damn box of dictionaries.

Evolution of the GTA series – GTA IV DLC

Right.

So in the Lost and Damned, you play as Johnny Klebitz. A kick ass mean muggin’ biker with a slightly goofy Southern accent. And he’s Jewish. A Southern Jew.

In the real world Johnny Klebitz would never be able to function as a Southern-Jew-Rebel-Biker-Rascist-Criminal-Financial Advisor.

Uh. Yep.

So. You play as Johnny and he is a high ranking member in the biker gang “the Lost MC” or just “The Lost” for short. The Lost get into all sorts of shenanigans, such as illegal motorcycle street racing, illegal beating of rival gang members and civilians that get in their way, and illegal shooting of police officers and rival gang members. Also, they smoke and sell crystal meth.

Yep. Good ol’ bikers. Anyways. The Lost and Damned is packed with fist fights, gun fights, and lots of violence. I really liked the development of Johnny as he turned into a loyal member of the Lost that took orders without question, to a member of the Lost that began to question his leader’s motives and decisions.

The rest of the characters are just pissed off most of the game, and they hurl insults at one another.  But the other characters aren’t important so I won’t talk about them. Like I said they’re just pissed off.

I won’t stay on the Lost and Damned for long because Johnny is my least favorite GTA protagonist so far. Because of his thick Southern accent.

That’s it.

Anyways. I did enjoy the Lost and Damned, but the missions felt sort of recycled. This was a big problem in GTA IV, because every third or fourth mission you went on you would simply barge into a warehouse (or a similar, large and decrepit looking building) and then you would proceed to gun down dozens of armed men. And then you’d leave with Roman, or Little Jacob, or some other similar ally and that was the mission. I mean they were fun the first few times. “Oh. Okay we’re going to this large warehouse and we’re gonna get into the SHIT.” And then Niko dives over the hood of a car and then blind-fires over the roof and screams “FUUUUUUUU-HUUUUCK YOU!”

But then you do the same thing repeatedly in the Lost and Damned. Bleh. I guess it just got a bit repetitive. If you really dug the shoot-up-a-warehouse-full-of-bad-guys thing in GTA IV then you’ll probably love the Lost and Damned.

Anyways. The Ballad of Gay Tony was much better in comparison to the Lost and Damned.

Well. The Ballad of Gay Tony has clubs. That was the selling point. Go in and dance and mingle and listen to the super fly electro songs boom out of the stereos. That’s all it took. I like BoGT A LOT more than LatD. The storyline is a bit more interesting, and the characters are fantastic. The character Yusuf is my favorite because of his ridiculous antics.

Yep.

BoGT also brought back something great from San Andreas that GTA IV left behind.

Parachutes.

It also brought back some more of the more ridiculous missions that remind me of the old games. Like pushing a guy that is afraid of heights out of a moving helicopter; so that you can dive out and fly down after him. All of this so you can get information out of him. It reminds me of the SA mission where you tie a mobster to the front of your convertible then drive on the freeway into oncoming traffic to get information out of him as well.

The ridiculous characters, missions, and storyline all tied together to give a much better experience over LatD.

*images courtesy of Google*